After I saw the post entitled “A Guide to Cornell’s Best On-Campus Lunches”, I decided The American Foodie has to strike back. Here’s my “If you are …, then…” guide to lunch on campus.
1. If you’re an engineer (or a Hotelie or MBA student):
Statler Hall is across the street from Duffield. Go there…and don’t get the Terrace Salad. Instead, head over to Mac’s and get a nice Roxy Melt, a classic roast beef sandwich toasted on a pretzel roll. While Terrace’s house salad dressing is nice, the lines there are excruciatingly long. It’s a salad for goodness sake. It’s not possible to see God in an assortment of vegetables. The Roxy Melt, however, is a classic hot sandwich that is a nice way to warm yourself up on a cold winter day. Don’t feel like eating a sandwich? Then you really can’t go wrong with the enchiladas that Mac’s also sells. Furthermore, Mac’s has, in my opinion, the best pizza on campus. You want to stay healthy? I think just hopping over to Teagle and logging some time on the elliptical will do more to shave pounds off than eating a salad covered in cheese and dressing.
2. You’re a humanities (or certain physical sciences) student:
By being on the Arts quad, you have a lot of options. If you don’t mind gaining some weight, then I would recommend heading back to North Campus and going to Bear Necessities (colloquially known as Nasties) and eating a nice Southwest Chicken sub (basically grilled chicken with chipotle mayo on a two foot-long sub roll) with a nice side of onion petals. The latter were more or less solely responsible for me gaining my freshman 15. Think about that. Bear Necessities also has some seriously awesome calzones.
Otherwise, you can head down to Ho Plaza and check out Ivy Room, which has nice pizza, or check out Cafe Jennie in The Cornell Store. There, I would recommend the Corned Beef Sandwich with the Buffalo Chicken Chowder as a side. The former had a nice kick due to the creole mustard, and the latter was creamy with a mild (much less so than a real Buffalo wing sauce) bit of heat to it.
3. You’re a physical sciences student or in the Human Ecology or ILR schools (or certain CALSies)
Skip Goldie’s altogether and head over to Martha Van Rensselaer Hall, which is basically the home base of the Hum Ec school, and go to Martha’s Cafe and try their balsamic chicken flatbread salad. Unlike the fashionable Terrace Salads, the balsamic chicken is legitimately balanced, where nicely grilled chicken is tossed in a salad which sits on top of a nice garlic spread, which itself is on a fresh-out-of-the-oven flatbread. Sure, you have to wait about five minutes for your salad to come out, but that’s because the chefs are freshly baking the flatbread, and that actually makes all the difference. Alternately, you could (and should) try the excellent quesadillas, which are better than Trillium’s in my opinion.
4. You’re a CALSie, a Vet School student, or an engineer majoring in BEE or BME
I think this picture tells you exactly what I think you should do: Head over to Stocking and go to the Dairy Bar. For lunch, you can have the epic pork barbacoa sandwich, and follow it up with the Super Premium Vanilla Cornell ice cream. I’ll be damned if you’re actually hungry again before dinner time.
5. You’re a Law School student
Invent a time machine and go back in time to last year, when Hughes still existed. Hughes easily had the best burgers on campus (I think the author of that post floating on Facebook indulges in a healthy glue habit if he thinks Trillium’s burgers, with its patties the size of a small deck of cards, are the way to go). More than anything else, the staff at Hughes really put a lot of honest-to-goodness love into the food they made. I went to Hughes’ replacement Fork and Gavel a couple times. Guest poster Kitty McToots explains in detail in her review everything I found wrong with the place. I once ordered a grilled cheese sandwich there, saw the girl trying to operate the panini press, and thought, “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
I guess Law School students are best off stepping off campus and heading to Collegetown after all.